In my last article, I wrote of my experience of healing using hypnotherapy and the most important realization was of what really matters to me in life. I wish to share one aspect of me that I realise was so important for my own growth and has links to previous lives as well.
So I realized that I have had so much of anger and resentment within me that existed. Consciously, I could somehow decipher where it was all coming from. However, during my healing sessions, there were so much more hidden that came out involving similar themes carried over from previous lives.
I have always from young had trouble expressing my true self in terms of behavior or while conversing with others as well. Somehow I thought differently from others and just to try and fit in and basically be liked, I spoke what the crowd would like or what the common belief system would be. However, it was always in conflict. Being in conflict within showed out in life. It resulted in conflicts with others and also being outcaste for no apparent reason. Sometimes, I cannot run from being who I am and when I expressed myself, though was not wrong, others would isolate me or argue or even for that matter gang up among themselves against me. I always used to wonder why and ask if I was wrong but they would never say so except that I need to probably think like the crowd. So this led to a lot of internal anger and resentment. In having these feelings, victimization personality would play out.
Interestingly, it is not only now that I have these issues. In my past lives as recalled during the past life regression therapy, I was in similar positions. In a previous life, I was once beheaded without reasons just for expressing a different spiritual thought from the belief system of that time. I was talking about Universal love and they showed me much love by beheading me. Ha Ha! So much for self-worth.
In another life, I was fighting a battle I did not believe in. I was killed in battle fighting for something I never believed in. Even then I had anger and resentments for the predicaments I felt I was put through. Again the same theme appears in this life. Why? Why would a beautiful universe keep tormenting me with this? Haven’t I had enough? Victim mentality kicked in.
It is for the reason for me to learn the lessons that similar situations appeared. So in the sessions which I recently went for parts therapy, my anger and my resentments were transformed. My resentments and fear played a role in me where it thought it was protecting me and how? It was by having me avoid people, avoid speaking my truth and expressing myself in order to protect myself from criticisms, conflicts and not losing my self-worth.
Anger and resentments motivation was to protect my ego and individuality and they do that by giving me thoughts that others do not favor me. They kept me separated from others to spare me from being condemned by people who are unable to accept me. They make me feel worthless.
Fear is another quality that would come and its way to protect me was to have me keep quiet and not express myself. It helped me to keep away from people who might use me. It would operate in me by making me over analyse people and situations. This stresses me out causing me a lot of health issues such as gastrointestinal issues.
Though it looks like anger, resentments and fear seem to look good in protecting me but was not for highest good of me. It stressed me out causing some health issues and prevented me from living a life to my authentic self.
So I had to change and transform anger, resentments and fear into something for my highest good which was self-confidence and leadership. Leadership not for others but first for me. If one cannot be a leader for oneself, one cannot lead others effectively. In doing this, self-empowerment ensues.
This means that I accept who I am in an inner core, accept also and not get angry at others for not accepting my views. Understand that I can express my Truth courageously without the need of validation of others. Those that resonate may appreciate but for those others that do not, it is also fine. Importantly, I express myself in congruence with my body, mind and soul without worries whether it needs to be within the belief systems of others. It has to come from my heart. Fearless and happy.
So all I write these days is healing to me as I express myself out from my heart and soul. You may ask if astrology may have anything to do with this. Yes, it does, in using my birth chart, I was able to focus on what was troubling me at the core and use healing modalities to heal them. The study of Vedic Astrology is the study of Man.
Each one of us is born to evolve, learn lessons, obtain wisdom from the experiences and grow spiritually. It is not what we are or who we are that matters in life I realise, it is what deeds we have carried out and how much as a soul we have grown. Differences in the external are not real but the soul we are all the same of Universal Love. Act with Love and Live in Love.
To know your soul expression in this life, let me express that to you in a reading I am happy to do for you.
With much love and light,